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>Time keeps on slippin’ into the future.

February 22, 2011

>I find myself being disappointed too often. And from my readings in yogic and other Eastern texts, I have come to the conclusion that it is because I set too many expectations out. However, I don’t think that is quite right. I need to set more expectations for myself, and less for other people. Or to borrow another yogic practice – I need to dwell less on expectations and more on intentions.

Let’s use a very current example. It is noon, and I’m still in my pajamas, haven’t really eaten much (but am hungry) and haven’t done a single thing on my to-do list. I haven’t addressed the laundry in the washer, the empty coffee cup next to me, the baby who needs a bath (not that he cares about that), the stack of tax crap I have to sift through, or the mending pile that really needs work. So as the day goes like this (many of my days seem to) I come to the end of it feeling like I didn’t really get to much of what I would have liked and I don’t even really know why not. Sometimes I think that I should just “let be” and “go with the flow” and all that. And then other times I think, perhaps, I need to be a little more actively managing my time rather than frittering it away.

I didn’t have much in the way of expectations today, but I didn’t have any intentions either. So you might think that no matter what happened, I should be content. But my general and evergreen expectation is that I should do something with my day. Be productive! Be clever! Make, fix, clean, organize… something. Have a brilliant thought and immortalize it in words.

But I’m a stay at home mom now. Full time. My life revolves mostly around one 5 month old little boy. And I love my time with him. I am ecstatic to have this chance to be home with him. So, why do I get so disappointed?? I think it is time to clean the ol’ slate, as they say, of the expectations I had for my pre-mom, paid-work, post-college me. Maybe if I can leave the slate clean… now that would be something.

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